Settling your divorce through mediation

The family courts are under serious pressure. Delays in the system have become unacceptably long and as a result divorcing couples are now actively encouraged to reach a settlement without involving the courts at all.

There are several ways to do this, but mediation is by far the most widely used.

It tends to be cheaper than other processes because it does not typically involve lawyers. It is usually quicker. It is less adversarial. For most couples, those three things matter enormously.

Mediation works by appointing an impartial, suitably qualified mediator. The mediator does not decide anything. Their job is to create the conditions in which the two parties can reach an agreement.

What you need to know before you start

Mediation is non-binding. Even if a settlement is reached, neither party is legally bound by it until the agreed terms are recorded in a consent order, which is a court document that both parties sign and submit to the court for approval. Mediators are easy to find online, but in a divorce situation, it is advisable to appoint someone who is also a qualified divorce lawyer.

A mediator who does not understand family law cannot offer meaningful guidance on what would be a reasonable settlement. As with any professional relationship, the fit matters. Before appointing a mediator, both parties should satisfy themselves that this is someone they can work with.

What does mediation cost?

Lawyer-mediators tend to charge in the region of £300 per hour plus VAT. A retired judge or senior barrister will charge more.

The number of sessions required depends entirely on how willing both parties are to be reasonable, but a practical rule of thumb is this: if you have not reached agreement within six or seven sessions, you are unlikely to get there through mediation.

The different formats of mediation

The standard format brings both parties and the mediator together, either in person or online. Beyond that, there are a number of variations worth knowing about – for example:

• Shuttle mediation is used when the couple do not want to be in the same space. The mediator moves between them, conveying messages and working towards agreement.
  Hybrid mediation involves the parties’ lawyers also attending the mediation sessions.

• Therapeutic mediation brings in a therapist or couples counsellor to help manage moments of disagreement or heightened emotion.
  Child-inclusive mediation is used where the views of the children are relevant to the settlement.

All of this and more is covered in my book Divorce Solutions, (the same name as my consultancy), which recently reached number one on Amazon in the ‘Divorce and Children’ category.

If you think my book might be useful, for yourself or someone you know, you can buy it here.

If you would rather talk things through directly, I am here. The first conversation is always free.