Settling your divorce through mediation

The family courts are under serious pressure. Delays in the system have become unacceptably long and as a result divorcing couples are now actively encouraged to reach a settlement without involving the courts at all.

There are several ways to do this, but mediation is by far the most widely used.

It tends to be cheaper than other processes because it does not typically involve lawyers. It is usually quicker. It is less adversarial. For most couples, those three things matter enormously.

Mediation works by appointing an impartial, suitably qualified mediator. The mediator does not decide anything. Their job is to create the conditions in which the two parties can reach an agreement.

What you need to know before you start

Mediation is non-binding. Even if a settlement is reached, neither party is legally bound by it until the agreed terms are recorded in a consent order, which is a court document that both parties sign and submit to the court for approval. Mediators are easy to find online, but in a divorce situation, it is advisable to appoint someone who is also a qualified divorce lawyer.

A mediator who does not understand family law cannot offer meaningful guidance on what would be a reasonable settlement. As with any professional relationship, the fit matters. Before appointing a mediator, both parties should satisfy themselves that this is someone they can work with.

What does mediation cost?

Lawyer-mediators tend to charge in the region of £300 per hour plus VAT. A retired judge or senior barrister will charge more.

The number of sessions required depends entirely on how willing both parties are to be reasonable, but a practical rule of thumb is this: if you have not reached agreement within six or seven sessions, you are unlikely to get there through mediation.

The different formats of mediation

The standard format brings both parties and the mediator together, either in person or online. Beyond that, there are a number of variations worth knowing about – for example:

• Shuttle mediation is used when the couple do not want to be in the same space. The mediator moves between them, conveying messages and working towards agreement.
  Hybrid mediation involves the parties’ lawyers also attending the mediation sessions.

• Therapeutic mediation brings in a therapist or couples counsellor to help manage moments of disagreement or heightened emotion.
  Child-inclusive mediation is used where the views of the children are relevant to the settlement.

All of this and more is covered in my book Divorce Solutions, (the same name as my consultancy), which recently reached number one on Amazon in the ‘Divorce and Children’ category.

If you think my book might be useful, for yourself or someone you know, you can buy it here.

If you would rather talk things through directly, I am here. The first conversation is always free.

Plea: A twenty-three year fight for justice

What would you do if you believed your divorce settlement was unfair, but everyone else considered the matter closed? That was the situation facing Varsha Gohil.

In her late thirties and with three young children, in 2022 she began divorce proceedings against her husband, a successful lawyer. Expecting a straightforward settlement, she later recalled:

"I thought it would be a straightforward divorce, and he would do right by us. I thought we would sit down and find a way to move on. But I got it wrong. Leaving him started World War Three, he counter petitioned and told me he would destroy me and I wouldn’t get a penny from him"

Instead, she found herself embroiled in what became a legal battle lasting more than two decades.

In the divorce, her husband failed to make full disclosure of his earnings and assets and, as a result, in 2004 Varsha agreed a settlement of just £270,000. Many people would have accepted the outcome and tried to move on. Varsha did not.

Determined to challenge what she believed was an injustice, in 2005 she began studying law. Her growing legal knowledge enabled her largely to represent herself, and in 2007 she returned to court to challenge her husband's financial disclosure.

The case took a dramatic turn in 2010 when her husband was convicted of fraud and money laundering and sentenced to ten years' imprisonment. During the ensuing investigations, evidence emerged of around £28 million of assets concealed across several jurisdictions.

Even then, the road to justice was far from straightforward. The legal proceedings became entangled with criminal confiscation actions, and it was not until 2015 that the Supreme Court confirmed that the original settlement should be reopened. Further delays followed, and the final financial proceedings did not conclude until 2025.

The outcome was remarkable. Varsha was awarded an immediate payment of £164,000 in unpaid maintenance and subsequently received a financial award of £6.6 million.

Reflecting on the judgment, Varsha said:

"I want this to be out there for women, because what this case is all about is economic abuse. I think that’s why I’m so happy with this judgment. The judge has recognised it for what it is. It frees me. It's given me justice — and it means the truth is being called out."

Yet the story is not quite over. Despite the judgment, Varsha has reportedly not yet received any of the £6.6 million and remains involved in proceedings to have relevant assets released from the criminal restraint orders.

Cases such as this are unusual, but they turn on a principle that affects every financial settlement: the duty of full and honest disclosure. A settlement is only as sound as the financial picture it was built on. Where assets have been deliberately concealed, the courts retain the power to reopen a settlement and intervene, even many years after it was thought to be final.

Whatever one's view of the litigation, it is hard not to admire the determination of a woman who spent more than twenty years pursuing what she believed to be a fair outcome for herself and her children.

A fuller report of the case can be found in The Times.

A question I hear all the time is: “Where do I even start?”

It's completely understandable. Divorce isn't just one decision. It's dozens of them, arriving at once. Finances, children, the future... Everything feels up in the air, and the pressure to get things right only adds to the fog.

After almost 20 years working as a divorce consultant, I've noticed something consistent: The people who cope best at the start aren't the ones who have all the answers. They are the ones who have a clear way of thinking things through.

That usually means taking a step back before making big decisions.

Getting clear on what actually matters, especially where children are involved. Understanding the full range of options before committing to any one path.

...and, sometimes, asking honestly whether the marriage can be saved before assuming the answer.

Those questions have shaped almost every conversation I've had with clients over the years. They're also what led me to write my book, Divorce Solutions.

I wanted to put everything I've learned into one place. A guide people could come back to when things feel uncertain, or when they need to think something through at 11pm without calling their solicitor.

I'll admit I was genuinely surprised when it recently reached number one on Amazon in the Divorce and Children category. More than that, though, readers have told me it helps them feel more in control during what can otherwise feel like an unmanageable time.

That's exactly what I hoped it would do.

If you think it might be useful, for yourself or someone you know, you can find it here.

And if you'd rather talk things through directly, I'm here. The first conversation is always free.

7 Ways to Pay Your Legal Costs When You Divorce

Divorce is rarely cheap and legal fees can quickly become one of the most stressful parts of the process. Alongside dividing assets and potentially paying maintenance, many people are faced with a pressing question: how do I actually fund this?

The honest answer? Costs vary hugely. Much depends on how matters unfold between you and your spouse. Legal fees can range from a few thousand pounds to well into six figures. The commonly cited average sits somewhere between £20,000 and £30,000 per person. Legal Aid is means tested and now only available in very limited circumstances, normally involving domestic abuse and disputes concerning children.

So, if you don't have ready cash, what are your options? None are perfect. But understanding them early can make a significant difference to how much control you retain over the process.

1. Selling valuables

One of the most immediate routes is converting assets into cash. This might include jewellery, watches, art, wine, cars, handbags, or collectibles. Not always an easy decision emotionally, but it can provide quick liquidity without taking on debt.

This option is most realistic if you have high-value portable assets and need funds quickly. If that doesn't describe your situation, read on.

2. Pawnbroking or asset-backed lending

If selling feels too final, borrowing against valuable items is an alternative. Specialist lenders can offer short-term funding secured against high-value assets. This preserves ownership, at least temporarily, but comes at a cost in interest and fees.

3. Borrowing... and one warning most people miss

Many people turn to credit cards, personal loans, or support from family and friends. All of these can work. But if you borrow from someone you know, it is crucial to formalise the arrangement properly.

Without clear documentation covering the amount, any interest, and repayment terms, there is a real risk the loan could later be treated as a gift and pulled into the matrimonial pot. That means your spouse could have a claim over money your parents lent you. Get it documented, even if it feels awkward.

4. Litigation funding loans

Specialist lenders may offer loans specifically designed to cover legal fees, based on a lawyer's assessment of your likely settlement. These can bridge a genuine gap, but interest rates are typically high, reflecting the risk the lender is taking on. Read the terms carefully before committing.

5. Legal Services Payment Orders

If you cannot fund your own legal costs, commercial lenders have declined you, and your spouse has the means, the court may order your spouse to contribute to your fees.

This is not automatic. You will need to demonstrate both your financial need and your spouse's ability to pay. It requires a court application and is not always granted, but it is worth knowing it exists.

6. Maintenance Pending Suit

Usually intended to cover day-to-day living expenses pending the financial settlement, this type of interim maintenance can sometimes extend to legal costs. As with a Legal Services Payment Order, it requires a court application and a clear case for why it is needed.

7. Sears Tooth agreements

In some cases, lawyers may agree to defer their fees until the conclusion of your case, taking payment from your eventual settlement. This is relatively rare and not all firms offer it. Where it is available, it often comes with interest or an uplift to reflect the delayed payment. Worth asking about if cash flow is a serious constraint.

A note before you decide anything

There is no universal right answer here. Each option carries financial and strategic implications and getting the funding decision wrong can make the whole process more expensive. The sooner you understand your position, the more options you have. This is exactly the kind of question that is worth thinking through before the decisions get costly.

When a judge says a husband “got away with blue murder”

Hiding assets in divorce – what the courts can and cannot do, and what you can do now

‘The case is a depressing example of non-disclosure paying off. I cannot help thinking that the husband has got away with blue murder.’

Those are not the words of a frustrated spouse. They are the words of Sir Nicholas Mostyn, a retired judge in the Family Division of the High Court, commenting on the recent case of MK v SK [2026]. They are worth sitting with.

Asset concealment is not a niche problem. It happens in big-money divorces and in ordinary ones. The mechanics are broadly the same. What varies is the scale and the cost of pursuing it.

The Young case: a cautionary tale

The best-known illustration of how badly this can go is the case of Scott and Michelle Young. Michelle’s divorce proceedings lasted eight years and involved more than 70 court hearings. She alleged Scott had assets of £400 million.

In January 2013, Michelle applied to have him imprisoned for failing to disclose his finances. Scott was sentenced to six months for contempt of court but he still didn’t pay.

None of the alleged £400 million was ever located and to make matters worse Michelle’s lawyers then sued her for £11.2 million in unpaid fees. In 2014, Scott fell to his death from a window of his London flat.

The lesson is a difficult one. Even a finding of contempt, even imprisonment, does not guarantee that a spouse will disclose. Enforcement through the English courts when assets are held overseas is a separate legal process, often in a separate jurisdiction, often at significant further cost.

Why concealment has become easier

Easy access to overseas trusts and opaque international jurisdictions has made hiding assets more straightforward. Identifying them now routinely involves forensic accountants, private investigators and lawyers – sometimes in multiple countries.
Finding the assets is one challenge. Recovering them is another.

This is not a reason to give up. It is a reason to think ahead.

What you can do to protect your position

The following steps are not foolproof, but they give you a better starting point than most people have. None of them require you to do anything improper.

• Take an active interest in the family finances. If your spouse uses a financial adviser or accountant, where possible be present at those meetings.

• Make a note of significant assets when they arise – bonuses, inheritances, the purchase or sale of property, pension statements, bank accounts, or valuables such as art, jewellery, collections or vehicles.

• If relevant paperwork is left accessible – tax returns in particular (as they list income
  from all sources) – photograph it. Do not access locked drawers, password-protected accounts or devices to which you have not been given access. Improperly obtained evidence can damage your position in proceedings.

• Watch for signs of asset transfer to friends or family members who may be asked to hold assets temporarily until proceedings are resolved.

• Be alert to other common tactics: deliberate overpayment of tax to reduce visible assets (with a refund due later), delayed bonuses, large unexplained cash withdrawals, cryptocurrency purchases, or deliberate undervaluation of assets.

• If you have reason to believe assets are about to be moved, take legal advice urgently about obtaining a freezing order. If divorce is a real prospect, starting proceedings promptly – before assets disappear – can matter.

About Divorce Solutions

We are a team of five experienced lawyers working as divorce consultants rather than as solicitors. The distinction matters. We help people understand the process, identify risks early, avoid expensive mistakes, and – where possible – find solutions that reduce conflict and cost. We do not conduct litigation, but we work alongside those who do.

If this newsletter is relevant to your situation, or if you
know someone who is navigating a difficult divorce and wants to understand their options, please feel free to get in touch. We do not charge for an initial conversation.

What Happens to the Family Pet during a Divorce?

When relationships break down, decisions about property and finances are difficult enough. But what happens when the asset in question is the family dog, or the cat who has slept on the children’s beds for years? For many families, this is not a minor issue. It is deeply emotional.

From Pre-Nups to “Pet-Nups”

Most people have heard of pre-nuptial agreements. These are designed to set out how assets will be treated in the event of divorce.

Now, a growing development is to include provisions for pets or in some cases to have a separate agreement dealing specifically with pets. These agreements are often referred to informally as “pet-nups”.

In England and Wales, pets are classified as “chattels” under property law. That means they are treated in the same legal category as furniture, jewellery, or vehicles. The Family Court does not apply a welfare test to pets in the way it does for children.

Instead, if there is no agreement in place, the court will usually look at:

• Who purchased the pet

• Whose name appears on registration documents or microchip records

• Who has been responsible for paying veterinary bills and ongoing costs

• Who can evidence primary care

In most cases, the court will avoid making detailed “custody-style” arrangements. The pet will usually be awarded to one party as part of the overall financial settlement. This can come as a surprise to separating couples who understandably see their pet as part of the family.

Why Planning Matters From Pre-Nups to “Pet-Nups ”

Pre-nuptial agreements are now given significant weight by the courts following the Supreme Court decision in Radmacher v Granatino [2010], provided certain safeguards are met. These include:

• Full financial disclosure

• Independent legal advice

• No undue pressure

• Terms that are fair

As mentioned, couples are increasingly choosing to extend these pre-nups to include provisions for pets or in some cases to have a separate pet agreement. These informal “pet-nups” can set out:

• Where the pet will live

• Whether there will be shared arrangements

• Who will pay day-to-day costs

• How veterinary and insurance expenses will be managed

Clarity at an early stage can lower conflict and help protect what matters most, including the wellbeing of the pet itself.

How We Help

We are a team of five experienced lawyers working as divorce consultants rather than traditional solicitors. Our role is to help individuals navigate the legal maze, avoid costly missteps, and wherever possible lower the temperature of disputes.

We focus on practical, commercially sensible outcomes that preserve dignity and minimise unnecessary expense. If you or someone you know would benefit from a conversation, we offer an initial consultation at no charge. Thank you for being part of this community. Together, we’re making divorce less daunting, one solution at a time.

Divorce – where do you start with sorting out a financial settlement?

Going through a divorce can feel overwhelming – emotionally, financially, and practically. One of the first (and often most daunting) steps is making financial disclosure. But what does that really involve?

The foundation of any financial settlement: disclosure

No matter which divorce route you take – and my upcoming book Divorce Solutions outlines ten different options – the starting point is always the same: full and frank disclosure of all assets and liabilities, globally.

This is usually done using a document called Form E, which prompts both parties to share details of their financial situation. Take a look here: View Form E (Gov.uk)

Why form E feels overwhelming

Form E runs to around 30 pages, requiring details of everything from bank accounts and investments to pensions, debts and property details.

You’ll also need to gather supporting documents, such as:

• 12 months of bank and credit card statements

• Property valuations

• Mortgage and pension statements

It’s a thorough process – and at a time of emotional upheaval and uncertainty, facing this paperwork can just feel too much.

Whilst it’s a requirement of the process, completing the form is actually an administrative task, not a legal one – and that’s an important distinction.

Tips to make it easier (and save on legal costs)

You don’t have to pay a solicitor to help you with the form-filling.

If your financial affairs are straightforward, you could complete it yourself, perhaps with support from someone experienced in numbers and documentation.

Once done, your lawyer can review it to make sure everything’s presented correctly, especially in complex cases where assets may overlap or be easily double-counted.

What happens next?

Once both parties have completed their Form E, their Forms are exchanged. From there:

• Questions can be raised about anything disclosed or suspected of not having been disclosed

• Clarification of expenditure may be required, and any disagreements (for example over valuations) will need to be resolved

• In some cases, the family court may step in to enforce disclosure

Importantly, progress towards a settlement can only be made once both sides are satisfied with the information provided. Delays or dishonesty at this stage can cost time and money.

The financial disclosure process is a critical step in any divorce. Understanding what’s involved, puts you in control, reduces stress, and often saves money.

Coming soon:

Divorce Solutions – your guide to navigating the divorce process clearly and confidently is due for publication on the 21st January, and, should you wish to preorder a copy, a pre-order link will shortly be provided.

Who we are.

We are a team of 5 experienced lawyers but, what makes us different to a firm of solicitors, is that we are acting as divorce consultants.

We help people navigate the legal maze and stop them making expensive mistakes. We use our experience of the divorce process to find solutions to lower the temperature and save money.

If the above resonates or you know someone who may benefit from speaking to us, please do contact me. We don’t charge for an initial consultation.

Divorce and pensions: the overlooked asset that could shape your future

Last month, we explained the idea of a “clean break” in divorce. This month, let’s turn to something just as important: pensions. For many couples, pensions are the second largest asset after the family home. Yet they’re frequently underestimated, sometimes even forgotten, in financial settlements.

Why pensions matter

Pensions aren’t just about retirement income; they’re long-term financial security. When couples divorce, these funds can be substantial and need careful thought. Ignoring them could mean one partner walks away with significantly less financial stability.

Different types of pension

Often several pensions will have been accumulated – for example someone may have been in service (military, NHS or civil service) or had several different employers all with different pension schemes or have been self-employed and arranged their own pension. All will have different benefits that will need to be valued and assessed.

Pension benefits fall into different categories, normally money purchase pensions or defined benefit pensions. In the case of money purchase pensions, the capital value is usually the monetary value of the fund but for defined benefit pensions, the capital value will need to be calculated. Valuations often take months for the pension company to provide.

How pensions can be divided

Once all assets (including pensions) are valued, there are different ways to deal with them:

• Pension sharing: a percentage of one person’s pension is transferred to the other, creating two independent pots.

• Offsetting: one party keeps more of the pension, while the other takes a larger share of another asset (often the family home).

• Pension attachment orders: the court directs some pension benefits to the ex-spouse, but for several reasons, these orders are rare today.

Which route is best will depend on many factors including age, earning capacity, living arrangements, stability for any children, long-term financial planning, taxation and, of course, the needs of the parties and the value of all the assets in the martial pot.